


The Weight of Feathers

by sproutbabie



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angel Wings, Bittersweet Ending, Childhood Friends, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Pining, body horror?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:06:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28188156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sproutbabie/pseuds/sproutbabie
Summary: Wings are always associated as majestic, pure, and light.The implications of having them though, not so much.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26
Collections: TXT Secret Santa Fic Fest 2020





	The Weight of Feathers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [newhues](https://archiveofourown.org/users/newhues/gifts).



> Please check the tags before proceeding.

Kai was an angel.

Everything about him was so pure, from the innocence that seeped through his every word; giggles that notated the sweetest song, to his compassionate heart.

Kai never hesitated to help others in need; whether it be helping the elderly cross the street, volunteering at the elderly house every summer, or even just being a supportive friend. No one could ever hate him.

He was even worried about the littlest things, such as Beomgyu’s ever-growing back pain. It started out insignificant, the usual aches here and there from slouching over too much. Kai often offered to massage the pain away, which always ended up in them pushing down on each other’s tense muscles to see who could press down harder.

It was the reason Beomgyu fell in love with his childhood friend in the first place. Kai was too gentle, too pure for the darkness of the world; shining brighter than any star. Stayed firmly by his side during his darkest times, enveloping the elder in his warmth. Always held his hands like he held his heart; like glass, on the verge of shattering into a million pieces. 

Like he was right now, hand in hand on their way to Beomgyu’s run-down apartment. Their fingers intertwined perfectly, as it has always been since they were just toddlers. The right piece to each other’s puzzle, completing the whole. It just felt like home, holding Kai’s hand like this, even if it wasn’t romantic.

Arriving in front of his door, Beomgyu rummaged through his bag, never once letting go of Kai’s soft hand. He didn’t let go even when he had opened his door wide open. Stepping inside, he expects Kai to come in as well, as was always the case.

“Oh, sorry-” The younger finally lets go of his hand, the world suddenly turning bleak without it. “- mum says I should head home tonight. Have to go see my relatives tomorrow morning.” His lips formed a cute little pout, clearly wanting to stay longer.

“Geez, you should have told me earlier! I could have dropped you off at yours first.” 

“I forgot, I forgot! ‘M sorry.” Kai giggled. Beomgyu couldn’t stay mad for long; the younger’s voice could melt the coldest of hearts.

“Alright then, get home safe yeah? Let me know when you’ve arrived.”

The younger nodded, the curls of his hair bouncing along. Saying their goodbyes, Kai closed the door behind him, leaving Beomgyu alone in his flat. Taking off his shoes by the door, he went straight to the bathroom for a shower.

He had moved into his studio apartment about a year ago, being unsuccessful applying for a university dorm. It was nothing fancy, just a kitchenette with one broken stovetop, a tiny bathroom, closet, and the living room, with only the bare minimum furniture his landlord could lend him. It was small and comfy. He’s never felt alone, not in the slightest. His friends loved to barge in and cause a racket, often to the displeasure of his neighbours.

Kai especially loved to stay over. In fact, he stayed over so often that he left an extra toothbrush and a few socks just in case. They would sprawl on Beomgyu’s beaten up couch and play Tekken, having been tallying their scores since they were thirteen. Order the same 4 delivery menus and play rock paper scissors to decide who would throw the trash out. Cuddle up on Beomgyu’s bed and stay up planning their future as famous singers together.

Beomgyu slumped onto his couch, his hair still wet from the shower. He reached down to his bag at the sound of the soft buzz of his phone.

**Kai ♡**

_im home :D_

_grrrr i wanna call but mum’s making me sleep : < _

_lmao its alright you can call me tmr_

_take care of your back okay? dont stay up til sunrise._

_……sure_

_ >:( _

_i’ll try_

_:D_

Beomgyu’s cheeks hurt from smiling too much, but he couldn't help it.

He was happy. Even when he was still too scared to confess, he was happy just being with Kai all this time.

Beomgyu sat up, stretched upwards and leaned back; his spine was acting up again. It had started with aches on his neck and shoulders, which were obviously from his horrible posture, he wasn’t too concerned. Yet, around last week, it had started to sting like a thorn piercing into his muscles, deeply rooting itself in his flesh.

It was strange, but he mostly brushed it off since searching it up on the internet only came up with the worst-case scenario (curse WebMD).

Rolling off the couch, Beomgyu took two steps to open his fridge.

2 bottles of water, leftovers from his constant delivery orders, and side dishes Kai’s mother often sent over occupied it. Pushing aside the stacks of boxes, Beomgyu reached for the pain relief patches. Prying open the box, he slipped one out and threw the box back in, shutting the door. Sticking them onto his back was a hassle all the time, but he tried his best, often pulling a muscle in his arm in the process. 

Plopping back onto the couch, he reached back to find the spot again. The pain came from near his shoulder blades, almost felt like it was swelling near his spine. When he found the spot, he brought his arm back to peel the plastic when the pain started to act up once more.

It started with light prickles, jabbing around the muscles of his back before it sunk its claws deep into them. Beomgyu wiggled his shoulder blades, hoping to get rid of the pain. Yet, it retaliated, twisting further into his flesh.

Beomgyu cried out when the thorn crept up from deep within his muscles to the edge of his skin, focusing all its force onto a single, fine point. It then pushed from under his skin, drilling at it excruciatingly slowly. Beomgyu leaned forward, the pain robbing him of his breath as it rippled throughout from his spine, up to his neck, and down to his tailbone. He could feel the vile rub of his pierced skin and the _thing_ that had protruded out of him. He couldn’t think, nothing but the painful strain of his muscles and the deep-seated roots that held onto him occupying his mind. He held onto the armrest of the couch, digging into the tattered fabric, ripping it even further.

After what felt like hours, the movement had stopped, only a numbing pain subsided. Everything still stung, but now Beomgyu felt he was allowed to move. Lifting his unknowingly shaking hand, he slipped it under his shirt and over his shoulder to feel around the spot. His back was burning, his skin damp from the sweat he was producing. Reaching the middle of his shoulder blades, his fingers bump into a few sharp, bone-like objects.

_What._

Beomgyu shakily got up and walked to the bathroom, discarding his shirt in the process. He needed to make sure of what his fingers were feeling, whatever it was. Humans don’t just… grow new bones externally. Turning away from the mirror, he slowly turned his head to confirm what he was feeling, and to his horror, it was true.

Eight sharp spikes, four on each shoulder blade, neatly lodged into his back. There was a bit of dried blood around the edges, spilt from the breakthrough.

Beomgyu gripped tightly on one of the spikes and pulled as hard as he could. He screamed out once more as a sharp pain ran from the stump and travelled down his spine, like glass cutting through.

It wouldn’t budge.

Yet, he kept pulling and pulling. This couldn’t be real, whatever had grown on his back. Beomgyu pressed around his skin, hoping to find the end of the spike. Instead, blood started to form around the rim of the spike, and it seemed to have no intention to move.

Shakily, he let go in defeat. Feeling around the spikes once more, he trudged back to the couch for his phone. With frantic fingers, he typed away on the internet for answers.

_back spikes_

_back condition_

_strange thing on my back_

_grew spikes on back_

_spikes grew on my back_

_growing spikes on back_

Everywhere he looked, from over-exaggerating medical articles to blog posts had nothing on the strange phenomenon on his back. Beomgyu’s mind started to spin; surely he couldn’t be the only one that was experiencing this, right? The internet was so vast, there was probably someone out there that must have had the same experience.

There was nothing.

Beomgyu huffed and sat back. Perhaps he could just go get a check-up tomorrow morning. Scrolling through the medical website one last time, an obviously click-baity article caught his attention.

_Ten Extremely Rare Diseases/Conditions_

Being the unbelievably curious person he was, he gave the title a click. Reading through the article, it _did_ list a whole lot of rare conditions, but most of them were in regards with how the cells in the body behaved. Scrolling past them, Beomgyu read through the next bullet point.

**_8\. Angel Disease_ **

_Angel Disease is a rare disease in which the afflicted grows wings._

_Although thought to have been just a fictional niche from Japan (天使病), there have been cases of it occurring in real life. According to the fictional definition, as the wings become more divine, the host will grow weaker and eventually die._

_The current understanding of the disease is that once the wings grow into its final form, the host will die. Early symptoms may include severe aches in the upper back region and sharp pains down the spine. Stage one consists of the wings breaking through the skin and growing. Stage two, growing feathers, will happen a little after stage one has started. Stage three sees the full growth of the wings. The wings take from a month to up to 5 to fully grow._

_The first cases…_

Beomgyu stopped.

Haha what, this couldn’t be it.

Searching for the Wikipedia page of the disease and reading through, a veil of sheer dread was gently placed on his head. The photos of stage one of the disease were exactly the same as the image he saw on his mirror; a cluster of spikes growing out near the shoulder blades.

_...the host will grow weaker and eventually die._

Beomgyu read closely, finding just one sentence that could break this nightmare that he was dreaming or a reassurance that there was a cure. He wasn't going to let some odd diseases take his life.

_However, little research has been done into this disease as it is incredibly rare worldwide. Additionally, medical examiners cannot determine the actual cause of death due to there being no direct effect the wings have on the human body. Many assume it to be a type of parasite, given the way it behaves. To this day, there have not been any therapies or cures developed._

He blinked.

_To this day, there have not been any therapies or cures developed._

Fear crept up from behind him and slipped into the deepest roots of his thoughts. The dark abyss of the afterlife stared back at him, trapping him under its immense force.

He was going to die from a parasite no one in the world knew the cure to.

Beomgyu drowned in the pitch black ocean of the unknown, flooding into his room from the windows and filling up the apartment.

What was he supposed to do?

Amid the violent waves of existential terror, a slight buzz pulled him to the shores of reality.

**_Kai ♡_ ** _11:17 AM_

_gn ily <3 _

In some magical way, a three letter name and a heart clothed his freezing body from the windy shores and brought him near a fireplace. Beomgyu's fears were still there, soaked in his clothes, but the warmth that filled his heart from the text from Kai did enough to make him forget, just for now.

Making his way to bed, Beomgyu pulled the covers right up to his chin, curled to his side as he didn't know if the spikes would hurt under the weight of his body. He stared at Kai's notification, which was overlaid on top of the photo of the two friends when they were toddlers, building a sandcastle together. Beomgyu giggled at the memory.

_Yeah, maybe some sleep would help_

**Kai ♡**

_gn ily <3 _

_gn_

_ilyt ♡_

_

Beomgyu was scared.

The first week was somewhat normal. He could go outside without worrying about his back, just a shirt was enough to hide his stumps. It was life as usual, go to classes, meet friends, sleepovers with Kai.

It really hit when he had his second growing episode, the spikes growing out taller. The episode was just as or even _more_ painful than the first time, almost as if the wings were going to rip through his entire back. It was difficult to hide the out-grown spikes, having to resort to wearing only big, baggy hoodies. He kept his distance from others, ensuring no one would come near his back, often excusing himself earlier than usual if needed. He’d gone to get it checked up in clinics, public hospitals, private hospitals, to no avail.

When the next episode hit, Beomgyu could no longer hide the spikes; they protruded too much to just write off as his clothes being too big for him. His absence was all too obvious now, friends and teachers asking where he was and his family constantly calling him to check up on him. He couldn’t go outside like this, not when the disease is so rare that it would be a once in a lifetime occurrence.

Worrying people was the last thing Beomgyu wanted to do, so he kept to himself. He carried the heavy burden of these light wings; the foreseeable future they carried. The fear dragged him down to the earth, impossible to even think about his dreams.

With Kai.

It was the hardest thing in the world to keep a secret from Kai. The younger had constantly texted and called Beomgyu, the first few he did answer. He reassured Kai that he was alright, just a bit tired and wanted to be left alone. They both knew that was a lie; Beomgyu always enjoyed Kai’s company even when he was truly frustrated, but the younger let it slide. Kai would text him per usual, telling him about his day and send him funny memes he would find on the internet. 

Yet slowly, Beomgyu stopped replying. His inevitable future kept taunting him, eating up his thoughts with negativity. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to anyone, especially Kai, when he was like this, beaten down and hopeless. 

Kai had knocked on his door many times, all of which Beomgyu did not answer. He listened to the younger call out for him, asking if he was home, if he was alright. The younger would then sigh, place down any materials Beomgyu needed for his classes, and leave. Kai knew he was always allowed in, even without knocking, but being the considerate person he was, he listened to Beomgyu's wish.

And in all honesty, he missed Kai. He wanted to see him so much, wanted to just hide in his warm embrace and forget about his daunting future. Beomgyu knew for a fact that Kai would be there for him, but he couldn’t tell him, he _can’t_.

He can’t.

So Beomgyu holed himself at home, bearing his growing pains alone. He was just glad that after the fourth episode, wherein his spikes started to take shape, his wings hadn't acted up in a month. He had gotten used to having an addition to his back, cutting little holes in his shirt to compensate for his wings.

Rummaging through his cupboard, Beomgyu searched for any leftover instant noodles he had. It wasn't exactly the healthiest thing in the world, especially having one every other day, but he had to adapt to his holed up lifestyle. He eventually found one, suspicious pack of noodles. Making sure the expiry date hadn't passed, he set it down on the counter when he felt it.

The sharp pain of a growth spurt.

Beomgyu writhed over the kitchen counter, clutching onto his back in a futile attempt to ease the pain. The slicing sensation ripped all across his back, the strain turning his skin unbearably hot. His legs gave out under his weight, falling hard onto the floor. He couldn't hold back his sobs; it hurt, it hurt, it hurt. He couldn't think; his mind occupied with the excruciating pain that rippled through his back.

So much so that he couldn't hear the slight click of his doorknob.

Beomgyu's mind started to race. This was it, this was going to be his end. It was the most painful he had felt compared to the other episodes. He was going to suffer here, alone, until he went limp. Just even thinking started to hurt, a blaring migraine digging at his head. 

The sound of his accelerated heartbeat and blood rushing through his ears was all Beomgyu could hear; at least until rapid footsteps against his rugged floor made its way over to him. Two ice cold hands lifted his face to see the owner of said footsteps. Beomgyu couldn't make out a lot of the person's features, thanks to his tears, but he could see a head of fluffy, brown hair and eyes that held the stars in them.

"Beomgyu?"

The question pierced through his ears and momentarily stopped his pain, replacing it with panic.

_Kai_

With the little force he could muster, Beomgyu tried to push the younger away, only to crouch forward again at the pulsing pain on his back. He hissed when Kai's chilling hands made its way around his shoulders to pry his hands off his back; just the slightest touch from the younger had Beomgyu's skin burning even more. 

"N-no…"

Beomgyu croaked a horrible sound, unable to muster any more syllables. He had to get away; no one was supposed to see him like this, especially Kai. Yet the younger’s cold hands against his burning skin brought comfort that he longed for the past two months.

Two months of locking himself away from the world, two months of bearing the pain alone.

A horrific yell ripped out of his throat once more, startling the boy in front of him. Beomgyu had no clue what was happening to his new appendages, all he could sense was pain.

Pain.

Pain.

Kai gently pulled him into his arms, making Beomgyu jolt; the younger’s cold body from the fall winds latched onto Beomgyu’s scorching skin. Kai was gentle in embracing him, smoothing his chilling hands down the elder’s back in attempts to soothe his pain. 

“Sh… it’ll be alright. I’m here now, I’m here.”

The younger cradled him like a baby, whispering comforting words to make him forget his anguish. Beomgyu couldn't help but sob into Kai's shoulder; it wasn't supposed to be like this. The younger was never supposed to find out, especially in this horrid manner. Beomgyu was supposed to push the younger away, keep a far enough distance so he wouldn't know.

Yet, now that Kai was here, he didn't want to let go. Beomgyu clung onto him as he muffled his cries in the younger's sweater, gripping impossibly tight on the back of his shirt. Kai's cool skin was comforting, combatting his scorching body.

They stayed like that until the growth stopped completely, the pain numbing away. Kai guided the elder, taking deep breaths with him to calm him down. Beomgyu was still sweating, though the heat had started to subside little by little. The younger's arms and hands were now warm, having played a large part in cooling Beomgyu down.

Beomgyu had to tell Kai, right now, how he felt about him before it was too late. He genuinely thought this was going to be his end, crouched over miserably on the floor. He knew he was going to regret not telling the younger now, there wouldn't be a chance later.

"Kai-"

Beomgyu's voice broke, hoarse and rough from the constant cries. His mouth was dried up, no thanks to the burning heat of his entire body. He forced himself to let it out, letting out a horrid gurgle and coughed - he had to say it.

"K-ai-"

"Shh it's alright, you don't have to say anything right now. You'll be alright."

Kai ran one hand through Beomgyu's dishevelled hair, smoothing out his damp locks. The elder wanted to believe him, wanted to just let go of his worries and let himself be comforted by Kai. But he had to say this, right now. Beomgyu didn't know if the chance would ever come again.

"No-"

"Shh don't wanna ruin your voice, do you? You can tell me once you've fully recovered. Rest for now."

Beomgyu wanted to resist, fight against his tired body and yell out his confession. It was on the tip of his tongue, ready to slip out at any chance. Yet, his body wouldn't cooperate, the fatigue fully settling into his bones. Opening his mouth to speak was tiring, and his headache wasn't helping at all. In defeat, he finally let go, slumping his entire weight onto Kai, finding comfort in his embrace.

Unknowingly to him, tears started to dribble down from his eyes once more, getting absorbed by Kai's sweater. Clinging tightly onto the back of his clothes once more, Beomgyu let go of everything he had held in for the past two months; the loneliness, the pain, the terrifying uncertainty of his life, the fear of rejection from the love of his life. 

All onto the shoulder of Kai’s fluffy pastel sweater.

Gosh he was so pathetic.

Kai held the elder until he had no more tears left to spare, reduced to only irregular hiccups and a snotty nose. Beomgyu felt his eyes droop, struggling to keep them open. The younger’s cool skin and comforting hands lulled him to sleep, entering the void to Kai’s smooth voice.

“Rest well.”

_

Kai was surprisingly calm about it than one would expect. Of course, his initial reaction was panic and worry, written all over his face. Then, after seemingly going through all the stages of grief in the span of 30 minutes, the younger just hugged Beomgyu.

“It’s alright! We can just make the most of the remaining time yeah?”

With Kai’s supposed enthusiasm, Beomgyu wasn’t sure if telling him his feelings was right. He didn’t want to mess up the time they had left together with a confusing change in their relationship. The elder had no clue what he was thinking when trying to confess to Kai that day.

True to Kai’s words, they never spent their time away from each other for the following two months. It was nerve wracking at first, trying to walk out in the open with unusual appendages attached to his back. Beomgyu _did_ get strange looks, or sometimes, people who wanted a photo with him because they thought his “cosplay” was cool. But with Kai always next to him, he often forgot he even had these wings. 

And wings they were becoming. On the day Kai had found him, he had entered the second stage, little dark brown feathers growing at unnatural speeds in the next few days, turning a pure white in the process. From then onwards, the growing pain hadn’t hurt as much as that time, progressively becoming less painful every episode. 

The implications of it terrified Beomgyu.

Shaking his worries away, he climbed the last few steps to the steel door on the top of the stairs. Opening it, it revealed the open rooftop of his childhood home, now abandoned, with a nice view of the town before him. The sun was making its final journey across the clear blue sky, shining a warm orange light across the relatively quiet streets. Against the concrete wall sat Kai, the winds blowing gently on his hair as he looked out to the view below them.

They were on break, and Beomgyu had wanted to visit their old childhood home, where they had grown up together. Their families had all moved out long ago and the town had developed so much since they had left, but some things stayed the same. Children fighting over the only swing set in the area, neighbours knocking on each other’s doors to share extra side dishes they made 

“You cold?”

Kai shook his head as Beomgyu took a seat next to him.

“ ‘s alright. Even if I’m cold, we can use your wings!”

Beomgyu often wondered how the younger could see positivity in everything, yet, it wasn’t unwanted. Though he couldn’t fly with them, his wings were excellent at blocking the winds and keeping him warm. Kai loved to cuddle up in them.

“Do you remember the last time we came up here?” 

“You mean the day we skipped class to go to the arcade instead?”

“It wasn’t _class_ , the teacher wasn’t there!”

Kai had texted Beomgyu first, asking if he wanted to go to the arcade. Both their teachers were on sick leave and ‘self study’ was nothing more than just two words. Meeting at the main lobby of the school, the two had snuck out with muted steps, suppressing their giggles. Once they were out of the building, they raced each other to the arcade, laughing at the top of their lungs.

Their favourite at the arcade was none other than Street Fighter, betting on the loser buying snacks. They were still counting their wins until now, 215 against 210 to Beomgyu. Kai would also try the crane machine at times, which resulted in wasted coins and the elder having to step in with his _pro gamer_ skills. The younger always left the arcade with a new stuffed doll.

That particular day, Beomgyu managed to grab him Beomie, a teddy bear with a neat, red bowtie around its neck. 

"Beomie?"

"Yeah, he kinda reminds me of you: cuddly, fluffy, and all 'round cute!"

Beomgyu scoffed under his hand as Kai held the doll close to his chest, squeezing the life out of it. He had felt an intense heat rise from his neck and up his ears, flustered by the way the younger had described him.

He chuckled at the memory; gosh it was so dumb.

Coming back here was an entire nostalgia trip, every block they passed bringing back old memories. Their first errand together to the supermarket to buy icky tomatoes, holding each other’s little hands tightly through the aisles. Kai’s first day at school, Beomgyu had secretly made sure the younger was alright to the point that his teacher had to go out looking for him. Their first charity event together during the summer break, befriending most of the local elderly along the way. The night before Beomgyu’s 18th birthday, both sat on a swing, watching the stars and counting down to his birthday.

Beomgyu’s 18th birthday, the day he realised his feelings for Kai as the clock struck 12.

How he cherished those times.

The sharp pinch on his back broke him out of his bubble, sizzling down his spine. Goosebumps rose on his skin in the opposite direction, the hairs on the back of his head standing. It didn’t hurt, just a little itch. Then, he felt his muscles lax - tired all of a sudden. 

Huh.

Maybe his excitement and their attempt to relive their adventurous past were catching up to him now.

Suddenly, a surge of heat shot up his spine and spread throughout his back, same as when his wings were still growing. He started to burn up again, sweat already surfacing on his skin. The saliva in his throat evaporated away. It didn't hurt, but the scorching heat was enough for him to bite down hard on his lips. Pressing his back flat onto the concrete wall, he hoped the younger wouldn't notice - breaking their tranquil moment was the last thing he wanted to do.

As if to hear his pleas, the heat died down as fast as it started, cooling away as if nothing had happened. What kept him scared was the fact that he was starting to feel cold, and colder. A sharp coldness that dug its claws excruciating slowly into his skin.

His mind was fuzzy, blurring in and out of focus ever so slightly. He felt a little lighter, his consciousness just hovering in his shell. The abyss was behind him, slowly appearing on the edges of his vision.

_No._

Not now, with Kai next to him. Beomgyu swallowed a sob - he wasn't _fully_ ready yet. There was still so much he wanted to do - to say.

His heart started to pump offbeat, each one delayed a little longer than the previous. The fear he had pushed to the back of his hazy mind crept to the forefront, permeating through the mist. Nagging whispers echoed in his mind, causing all of them to mold into white noise.

“Kai-”

"Mh?"

The younger turned to face Beomgyu at the call, his satisfied face turning more into concern.

"What's wrong? Do you feel sick? Is it your wings again?"

Beomgyu shook his head - his throat was starting to feel sore.

"Can you come closer?"

Kai did as he was asked, leaning so impossibly close that Beomgyu could see his long eyelashes, the millions of stars in his eyes, the slightest hint of stray stubble on his chin.

The fear wasn't as potent as it once was, constantly clawing at his mind and tearing all sense of hope apart. He was far more accepting of his fate, well at least, he thought he was.

Beomgyu caressed Kai’s face, feeling his smooth, warm skin against his chilled palm. Running his fingers through his curled hair, he smoothed out his wild baby hairs, savouring the soft feeling of it.

Oh god, he loved the younger so much.

“Beomgyu?”

“Listen carefully okay?”

Still confused, Kai just nodded, his lips drawn into a pout.

Beomgyu took a deep breath. He could feel the cold darkness tugging at his consciousness, beckoning him to come. He pulled back; he wasn’t going to go until he finished what he had to do.

“You've been a vital part of my life, you know that? You're so important to me and helped me so much-"

"Beomgyu what are you saying-"

"- Every moment with you, I've been happy. Even at times where I was at the lowest of lows, you made me smile-"

"Wait-"

Kai's voice cracked; he was probably catching on. 

"-I don't know how I would've gotten through it all without you-"

"S-stop it…"

No, he wouldn't stop. Beomgyu had to keep going, there was still one more thing he had to say. Lifting his arms for a long time was tiring now, he didn't have much time. If not now, then it would be never.

"I love you, Kai. I love you so much you wouldn't understand..."

Beomgyu caught the slightest waver in his eyes. Though his concerned expression didn't change, the shock in his eyes couldn't be contained.

“...and I’m glad I could tell you before I leave.”

Beomgyu finally let out his breath; he did it. Though he still had so much he wanted to do, he was content to be able to do this much. He knew it was too late - but it didn’t matter. As long as Kai knew. 

The younger, on the other hand, fell silent. His head was lowered, breaking eye contact from Beomgyu. He expected as much; getting a sudden confession from your long time friend would make you think - especially in this kind of situation.

“Oh god we’re so stupid.”

Was not what Beomgyu expected Kai to say.

“What?”

Kai lifted his head; his eyes were red and puffy, traces of tears glistening on the brim of his eyelids. He brought his hand up to cover Beomgyu’s own, interlocking their fingers.

“I feel the same, Beomgyu. What you feel for me, I feel the same.”

With just those words alone, even the unknown did a double take and let go of Beomgyu. His head started to spark back to life. All that time Beomgyu was pinning on Kai, the younger was also feeling the same. When did he start liking the elder? Knowing him, he probably didn’t say because he didn’t want to jeopardize their relationship.

Oh.

“Since when?”

Kai sniffled.

“You’re 18th birthday.”

Yup, they were definitely stupid.

Beomgyu laughed - or rather huffed - his chest hurt. Kai's lips curled into a small smile, though his eyes were still shaking.

"So don't go…"

His voice was rasp, whispering as if Beomgyu would fade away if he spoke too loud. A single tear fell from his flooded eyelid, furiously rubbing it away.

Curse these damn wings.

“I’m sorry…”

Kai finally let out a sob, before more tears started to flow down his cheeks. It pained Beomgyu to hear Kai like this; he didn’t know what he wanted anymore at this very moment. This was an unexpected outcome - what was he supposed to do with this information? Of course, he didn’t want to go, he wanted to develop their relationship further, become recognised for their music, grow old together, but that wasn’t his decision to make.

And yet, Beomgyu didn’t want to leave with Kai in such a mess; even until the bitter end, he wanted the younger to smile.

“Hey, shh, look at me.”

Whipping the tears away from Kai’s face, he brought their faces close together, their noses bumping in the process. The younger tried to stop his cries, biting down on his lips to suppress his hiccups.

“I’ll always be with you okay? I’ll watch you become the greatest artist to have entered the industry, so don’t worry.”

Beomgyu could feel his own eyes grow moist, his nose feeling stuffy. Blinking them back, he continued his final promise, the abyss lingering just behind him.

“If you miss me, you can cuddle Beomie. Though I don’t know if he’ll be capable of giving the best cuddles as I do-”

Kai managed to huff.

“-he’ll be there if you need me.”

His chest was starting the flutter; his voice shaking as he managed to say the last few words of his sentence. He was so cold, the only source of warmth coming from their proximity.

Beomgyu was scared.

Suddenly, Kai grabbed the elder’s shoulders, the warmth from his hands easily seeping through Beomgyu’s cold skin. Pulling him closer, their lips crashed into each other rather forcefully, both recoiling in pain.

"Ow…"

"I-I'm sorry! Just wanted to-"

The elder giggled before pulling Kai close again, _gently_ pressing their lips together. It was nothing like those dumb romance shows Kai liked to tease Beomgyu for watching, where everything was dramatic and magical. It was awkward, and a little funny; they had saved their lips for the other. 

But it felt right.

They pulled away once more, laughing sheepishly before finding each other again. A slight spark sizzled where Beomgyu's lips met the younger's, bringing warmth to his gradually cooling skin. For just an instant, he felt warm again, melting like wax on a lit candle: alive.

All but snuffed out once more by his impending fate. Slowly but surely stopping in time.

Reluctant as he was, Beomgyu pulled away, wanting to get one last good look at Kai.

"Kai-"

"No, no shut up. Shut up!"

The younger shook violently, the vibrations making Beomgyu shake as well. He was starting to sniffle again.

"Don't say a word, save your breath, please."

Air was stuck in his throat, coming out as a wet hiccup. Tears formed on the corner of his eyes again. His lips wobbled as he managed to whisper his next three words.

"Stay with me."

Beomgyu didn't know how to answer; nothing he said would comfort Kai. So instead, he started to run his hand through his messy hair, combing them through his fingers.

The dark abyss seemed to have had enough, tugging aggressively at his consciousness to come follow it. Yet, Beomgyu was selfish, he wanted just one more thing from Kai before he left.

"Could you hug me? I'm feeling very cold."

It was honestly adorable how Kai was quick to embrace him, clinging onto him so tight that it sort of hurt. And for just a second, his wax started to melt once more.

Listening to the younger cry and begging him not to go wasn't the most ideal way Beomgyu wanted to leave, but he was at least glad he could fulfil everything he wanted to do. Wrapping his arms around Kai's torso, he leaned on his shoulder, savouring the way his head fit perfectly.

The winds started to blow violently, but neither of their hair moved even the slightest. Strange, perhaps he was starting to hallucinate things. Though still worried about Kai’s health, Beomgyu’s wing spread out to its full length, before enveloping them around the younger. His feathers were starting to fall off, fluttering away. Feeling himself being whisked away with the winds, Beomgyu uttered his final words.

"I love you."

_

**Rookie artist Huening Kai's new single "Weight of Feathers" achieves his very first platform all kill**

_Today we sat down with artist Huening Kai for a short talk about his newest hit 'Weight of Feathers"_

_Q: Congratulations on your first platform all kill! How do you feel about the overall positive response for your new single?_

_A: Ah thank you very much! It really was a surprise when I heard the news. I'm happy to know that many enjoy and can relate to it on some level._

_Q: It is quite a touching song. If I understand correctly, ‘Weight of Feathers’ touches on a loss of someone important. What was your thought process when producing and writing lyrics for the single?_

_A: Well… You could say it was mostly based off of my own experience, losing someone important. This single was actually dedicated to that person. Producing this song… made me reflect on our time together, and had me crying and hugging my teddy bear Beomie quite a lot. [laughs]_

_Q: I’m very sorry for your loss._

_A: It’s alright. I think writing this song has helped me really process my loss after 6 years._

_Q: A quick tangent, fans have been curious about your love of plush dolls, especially Beomie. Was he a gift from someone?_

_A: Ah yes, actually I've had him for quite some time. It was a gift to me by the person I dedicated this single to. Kind of as a way of reminding me that I'm not alone._

_Q: Thank you for answering that quick digression. Many have said that ‘Weight of Feathers’ has also helped them recover from losing a loved one, anything you would like to say to them?_

_A: Firstly, thank you for listening to the single. It really is a high compliment to receive when people say they have healed and found comfort in my music. Please always remember that even when things are tough, they will always be there to support and comfort you._

  
  
  
  


**_Weight of Feathers_ **

_A dedication to Choi Beomgyu_

_Out now on all streaming platforms._

**Author's Note:**

> Ho ho ho
> 
> If you think im evil for writing this for the jolly holidays you're not alone i think im evil too
> 
> But, i still hope you enjoyed reading this oneshot as much as i enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Merry Christmas!


End file.
